Trump Lackeys Bristle Over Natalie Harp Travel with Great Leader to Ireland 

Several White House Sycophantic Dumbos erupted in what appeared to be genuine outrage — though let’s be honest, it was probably just performative bootlicking to maintain their rankings on the Great Leader Loyalty Scoreboard — after journalist Aaron Rupar reported that Natalie Harp had joined her de facto beau on a trip to Ireland.

Now, I hate to harp on Natalie’s background (yes, pun intended), but here we go. Natalie and her older brother were homeschooled by their mother, Jill Harp, who taught them American exceptionalism at ages six and seven. Impressive curriculum for kids who were still figuring out how crayons work.

Natalie proudly claims to be a “devout evangelical Christian.” She attended Point Loma Nazarene University, then upgraded her holiness by attending Liberty University — founded by Jerry Falwell, a man who secretly funded Gloria Steinem’s women’s rights organizations and, at one point, dated her.

Because nothing says “champion of women’s rights” like Jerry’s famous declaration:

“Feminists and all these radical gals… these women just need a man in the house.” 

And his encore performance:

“Keep them barefoot and pregnant.” 

A true visionary in the field of anti‑misogyny, clearly.

Now, I’m sure Great Leader enjoys certain benefits from his romantic tryst with Natalie. You’re probably thinking, “Okay, wise guy, clue us in.”

Fine. Buckle up.

Adult diaper duty — She’s always ready to change his Depends, even when he’s on the run (pun absolutely intended) from reporters.

Viagra logistics — She ensures he gets the proper dosage of Industrial Strength Viagra so he stands erect at the next morning’s press conference. (Purpose achieved?)

Orange makeup application — She applies three to four pounds of orange makeup every morning, enough to qualify as a hazardous materials event.

I.Q. reassurance — She repeatedly tells him — truthfully, of course — that he has the highest I.Q. in the land. (Disneyland? Land of the Apes?)

Petite condom procurement — She makes sure he never runs out of Petite Size Condoms. Don’t ask me for verification; ask Stormy Daniels.