Who are the Trump morons with their collective heads stuck up their derrieres

I am genuinely baffled — absolutely mystified — as to why anyone with a four‑year degree, a law degree, or even a two‑year degree would willingly choose to work for someone of Donald Trump’s ilk.

(And Delmas, for the love of all things holy, ILK is not a female ELK. Please stop sending me pictures of elk.)

Worst of all, why would anyone risk being disbarred after spending seven years in college and hopefully passing the bar exam on the first try? You’d think self‑preservation would kick in somewhere between “ethics class”and “oath of office.”

But no — these Ass‑Kissing Bootlickers all seem to suffer from the same medical anomaly: an excessive amount of air blasting at high speeds between their left and right ears. No slow‑down signs, no railroad crossings, no stop signs —just a straight aerodynamic tunnel of nonsense.

So, let’s take a moment to review a few résumés from the Most Dedicated Bootlicking Sycophantic Morons 

(My apologies to the American Association of Morons.)

Natalie “Name That Tune” Harp — BA, Liberty University

Stephen “The Racist” Miller — BA (Bigot Administrator), Duke

J.D. “Just Dumb” Vance — BA, Ohio State; JD, Yale

Rep. Jim “Gymmy” Jordan — BS (Bullshit), MA (Master A-hole) Ohio State; JD (Just Dumber) Capital

Robert Kennedy Jr. — BA, Harvard; JD, Virginia; voice lessons from Jeff Dunham’s sidekick “Achmed the Dead Terrorist”

Clarence “This Cokes for You” Thomas — BA, Holy Cross; JD, Yale

Now, I suppose we can console ourselves with the knowledge that Jordan, Vance, Kennedy Jr., and most importantly “This Cokes for You” Thomas aren’t out there practicing their brand of law. That’s a blessing, because if they were searching for clients (aka victims), those poor folks might face bankruptcy after serial purchases of Industrial Strength Preparation H, not to mention paying $2,700 for bi‑monthly colonoscopies.

And let’s not forget: this merry band of Bootlickers can take comfort knowing that Industrial Strength Knee Pads are included in their government‑paid benefit package. Another widely used perk? Color‑coded, strength‑enhanced tubes of ChapStick. Rumor has it (saw it on the internet — the home of “real” news) that among White House bootlickers, brown is the favorite color.