► Ohio State Sen. Terry Gavarone: Today’s “Standup Comic” Wannabe

Terry proudly sports a BS from Bowling Green State University and a law degree from the University of Toledo College of Law — two perfectly respectable institutions that somehow did not anticipate being dragged into this circus.

I know both schools well. I grew up in Toledo, lived there for over 50 years, and have more attorney, judicial, and prosecutor friends from UT Law than Terry has voter‑fraud indictments —which, as we’ll get to, is saying something.

Terry, bless her heart, is absolutely hellbent on doing The Don’s bidding by making voting in Ohio feel like a scavenger hunt designed by someone who hates democracy and also hates fun. It’s painfully obvious she’s auditioning for a future role in the Trump Department of Injustice — sorry, Justice. My fingers slipped.

And now, Terry’s audition tape:

She introduced legislation to create the Election Integrity Division (EID) within the Secretary of State’s office. According to my sometimes‑reliable source (the same one who once insisted raccoons were government surveillance devices), Terry’s first presentation of the EID happened while she was auditioning for a set at the Funny Bone Comedy Club at 145 Easton Town Center in Columbus.

Apparently, the audience wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, or ask for a refund.

The EID’s mission? Investigate election fraud.

Trump won Ohio in 2024 by 646,417 votes.

Ohio’s Attorney General managed to indict a whopping six voter‑fraud cases statewide.

I’m no mathematician — my great‑granddaughter ran off with my abacus, probably to use it as a TikTok prop —but I’m fairly confident Harris wouldn’t have closed a 646,417‑vote gap with six extra ballots. But hey, maybe Terry knows something the rest of us don’t.

My sometimes‑reliable source also claims that, sensing the audience slipping into a medically concerning level of boredom, Terry attempted some comedy relief while pitching her bill:

“I have worked hard to stop voter fraud because it not only erodes trust in elections, but also our form of government.”

“While we have been fortunate that current Secretary of State Frank ‘Mr. 6‑Pack’LaRose takes voter fraud so seriously, a future officeholder may not.”

“This bill will make certain that fighting voter fraud remains a top priority regardless of who is in office, and provides greater transparency and confidence in Ohio’s election results.”

Goshes and Gollies and Gee Whillickers — were y’all as dazzled as I was? Terry delivered those lines like she was auditioning for a political sitcom titled “Everybody Loves Voter Fraud.” The audience may have been half‑asleep, but Terry soldiered on, determined to land a laugh or a job offer.

And speaking of job offers, I’ll bet one of two things happens next:

She replaces serial on‑air bumbler Jeanine Pirro as D.C.’s U.S. Attorney.

Jeff Dunham hires her as his emergency stand‑in dummy in case “Joséthe Jalapeño on a Stick”ever calls in sick.

And lastly, I’m rooting for Terry’s future voter‑fraud‑fighting success. With her unique comedic flair, I’m confident she’ll surpass Frank “Mr. 6‑Packs”LaRose’s unparalleled record of six indictments in the 2024 election.