The Don and GOP BS about Non-citizen voting

My personal experience with the electoral process goes all the way back to Dwight Eisenhower. Now, I wasn’t old enough to vote back then, but between my Grandpa Hank, Uncle Bill, and Mom and Dad, I was, to say the least, indoctrinated into paying serious attention to the politicians running the state of Ohio and the country.

With that said, since The Don and his Sycophantic Wusses have been reveling in claims that our elections can’t be trusted because of non-citizen voting, I thought a little math might be in order.

Wisconsinelection clerks reported 46 suspected fraud or irregularity instances tied to the November 2024 general election. The results were:

• Trump: 1,697,626 votes
• Harris: 1,668,229 votes
• Difference in favor of The Don: 29,397 votes

Unable to locate my trusty abacus, I asked my six-year-old great-granddaughter to look at the numbers above. I asked her a simple question: If we added 46 more votes to Harris’s total, would that be enough for her to beat Trump?

After she stopped laughing, she looked at me and said, “Come on, Grandpa. You know that wouldn’t help her.”

Outsmarted by a six-year-old. Again.

I’m sure everyone is aware of the threats being made by The Don and/or his designated sycophants regarding the upcoming midterm election. I won’t go there, since it should be obvious to anyone with an IQ higher than the speed limit on I-270 in Columbus, Ohio—60 mph.

Rather than wasting time making accusations about election fraud and spending taxpayer money chasing ghosts, perhaps those who control the Senate and House could spend some of that energy passing laws designed to ensure that our elections are fair, transparent, and secure.

And, lastly, to be fair to the electorate—which, after all, is what Stephen Miller presumably prays for every night—the following examples should, of course, be applied equally to everyone, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, national origin, or where their ancestors happened to be born.

Because if we're going to fix our elections, maybe we should start by making sure the rules apply to everybody.

With that said, and in an effort to be excruciatingly fair—sorry, I had to take a short break because I was laughing so hard—a source who is occasionally reliable, but apparently not today, tells me that Stephen Miller is trying to persuade Trump and the Republican-controlled Congress to institute the following laws to guarantee a fair and fraud-free election:

• For all inner-city voters: Sing The Star-Spangled Banner in Spanish before receiving a ballot.
• For Hispanics: Sing The Star-Spangled Banner in French. Because apparently Spanish would make things far too easy.
• For Muslims: Recite the Hail Mary in Latin. No explanation necessary. Apparently.
• For Proud Boys: Type Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech in Braille. Because nothing says “equal access to democracy” quite like requiring someone to master a writing system they may not be able to see.

Obviously, these requirements are completely fair, completely reasonable, and absolutely have nothing whatsoever to do with making it more difficult for certain people to vote.

In all seriousness, I’m confident we can all agree that if Congress were to pass these wonderfully fair and equitable voting laws—and The Don were to sign them into law—we could finally guarantee a perfectly fair election outcome.

And by “fair,” of course, I mean one that just happens to favor the GOP.

Pure coincidence.

At least that's what my occasionally reliable source tells me.