Goshes and Gollies Trump sez drug costs reduced by as much as 1500%

In a recent reception with members of Congress, The Don made

the following comments that not only cheered me up but almost

caused me to experience an organism.

• “This is somebody nobody else can do.”
• “I can get the drug prices down….100%,
• 600%, %00%, 1500%.”
• “Numbers that are not even thought to
• be achievable.”

Not being a math wizard and not having the intellect that

The Don obviously possesses, I had to rely on using my

ol’ trusty abacus to figure out what these reductions would

mean to me and you. After spending nearly eleven tortuous

hours and causing painful blisters to appear on my fingertips

from my incessant pounding on my abacus, I finally was able to

come to the following numerical conclusions set forth in the table below.

As a drunken groupie of The Don so to speak, I firmly believed what he said in his decree, so I imagined what would happen when I went to the local CVS to refill my neighbor’s Viagra prescription, and this is what I thought might take place.

Pharmacist:

“Can I help you sir?”

Me:

“Yeah, I’m here to pick up a Viagra refill.”

Pharmacist:

“And how long have you been using it, Sir?”

Me :

“Oh, no, no, no, no, it’s not for me, it’s for my neighbor Dick.”

Pharmacist:

“What’s up with Dick sending a neighbor to pick up his Viagra?”
Me:

“Well, to be honest, Dick was feeling a little down and asked me for a favor.”

Pharmacist:

“That’ll be $120.”

Me:

“That’s not true. President Trump said the cost of drug prices would go down by 1500%, which means Dick don’t owe you nothing, but you owe him $1,800.

Pharmacist:

“Are you crazy? What the hell was you smoking on the way here? There’s no way I’m handing over $1,800 to Dick.”

Me:

“Well, if that’s the way you’re going to be, I’ll have no choice but to report you to Trump’s first assistant Stephen Miller of for the contempt you have shown in refusing to comply with the President’s dictate.”

I know, it sounds a little screwy, right? But just close your eyes, take a hit on a joint if available and imagine Cletus living in Biloxi, Mississippi being involved in the scenario set forth above.

I’m just wondering to myself if anyone would attempt to demand to be paid the amounts listed above. If such a person truly exists, I’m confident he would likely possess an I.Q. just a tad lower than the legal speed limit in a school zone.  Y’all would certainly agree with that, right.