► Herman Cain: Today’s “Screwball” Award Winner Print

Herman Cain: Today’s “Screwball” Award Winner

 
In an effort to stand out among his fellow Screwballs running for the Republican nomination for President, Herm the Screwball recently made the following announcement:
 
“Don’t try to pass a 2,700 page bill [Obama-care]. You and I didn’t have time to read it. We’re too busy trying to live – send our kids to school. That’s why I am only going to sign small bills [$10 and $20] – three pages. You’ll have time to read that one over the dinner table.”
 
An unreliable source indicated that Screwy Herman also said, “If you’re ambidextrous and you’re good at dual-tasking, you can read a three-page bill while taking photos of your junk just like Rep. Anthony “The Wean” Weiner.”
 
So Hermy wants your vote because he’ll refuse to sign any legislation that is longer than three pages. This would mean that if Herm was President he would’ve refused to sign the following bills:
  1. George Bush’s 2001 and 2003 tax cuts
  2. 1863 Emancipation Proclamation freeing slaves held in the Confederate States [Goshes and Gollies, since Hermy raised in Georgia, he’d still be a slave, right?]
  3. Voting Rights Act of 1965 [Damn Boyz and Girls, this would mean that Hermy likely wouldn’t even be able to vote for himself in the 2010 South Carolina primary]
It’s pretty obvious that Ol’ Herm missed his calling as a standup comedian, right?
 
Congrats Herm; keep up the good work! We should let everyone know of your amazing record as one of the country’s foremost Screwballs; you are far too humble.
 
The Dawg~
Folsom, California