Ivanka Trump talks to Daddy about Pardoning Jared

An unreliable source provided me with an anonymous tip that Donald “Trumporleone” Trump held the following discussion with his daughter Ivanka about pardoning her husband and The Don’s son-in-law Jared Kushner for any and all crimes he has committed and/or may have thought about committing. The following is the alleged conversation that took place in mid-July 2017.

IVANKA:

“Daddykins, can I count on you giving Jared a blanket pardon for all the crimes he has committed while acting as your loyal Capo Bastone (Underboss)?

THE DON:

“Haven’t you been following the latest news that’s reporting that I’ve discussed giving out pardons to all members of my family, my associates, and more importantly Me?”

IVANKA:

“Yes Daddykins, I’ve heard those stories when I tuned in to listen to Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O’Donnell on MSNBC.”

THE DON:

“Goddamn it Ivanka, who gave you permission to watch those Unpatriotic, God Hating dissemblers of Fake News?”

IVANKA:

“Geez Daddykins, don’t get mad at me. It isn’t my fault.”

THE DON:

“What the hell do you mean it ain’t your fault?”

IVANKA:

“Well, every time I went into Sean Spicer’s office, he’d be watching the Rachel Maddow Show or  The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell.”

THE DON:

“Now you know why I got rid of that loser Ivanka.”

IVANKA:

“You still haven’t told me if you’re going to issue a pardon to Jared Daddykins.”

THE DON:

“I will unless I need to let him loose to save my ass Ivanka.”

“If that’s the case, then I’ll throw his ass under the bus.”

Conversation ends with Ivanka crying and being ordered out of the Oval Office by the Don.